Last night, Amy and I watched the World's Ugliest Dog Contest on Animal Planet, expecting to see some ugly-cute dogs, maybe some droolers, you know. What we saw will haunt my thoughts and dreams for the rest of time.
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet SAM!!!
Look away if you can, but you will continue to come back to this picture and to send it to your friends until it becomes a part of your subconscious, and that's when Sam will begin to take over your life.
You'll be enjoying a cup of coffee tomorrow morning and you'll have to look "just one more time." You'll find yourself plunging the depths of his one cloudy eye searching in vain for its pupil. You will wonder whether the discolorations are freckles or warts. You'll ask yourself if perhaps his owners filed his teeth down in order to prepare them for more attractive porcelain veneers.
Then you'll do some research. You'll find out that Sam is a purebred. That's right, a purebred. He looks like that on purpose. You'll think to yourself what is the purpose of the Chinese Crested Hairless??? Lap dog? Guard Dog? Further research will uncover that "The ancient Aztecs kept them as bedwarmers and, believe it or not, did eat them. The Chinese trading ships stopped along Africa on their routes, and it was there that they picked up these dogs because they were excellent ratters for aboard their ships. The stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee, used to breed them."
So, there you have it. These dogs are good for "ratting," bedwarming, and eating. Good luck EVER sleeping again.
My husband and I are both opera singers, and in the fall we moved from NYC to Michigan, where he is now a professor of voice and opera at Oakland University. In January we bought our first house-- an 1895 Victorian, and we're expecting our first child (a boy) in April.