I completely forgot to mention the piglet races. They were alright, I felt like I was being duped. We entered the Livestock arena about 10 minutes early, corn-y dogs in tow. What followed was a what I would call a bad comedy show with pigs, not exactly a piglet race. There were two guys in big overalls and giant clown shoes jumping around like hill billies, talking about the piglets. The stadium was divided into 4 sections, and each section was given a pig to root for. I didn't appreciate having my democratic vote taken away from me, so I was wary from the beginning, and I certainly didn't cheer aloud for a pig that was forced upon me.
They ran them in different "heats." First came the celebrity pig heat, the four pigs were Jean-Claude Van Ham, Arnold Schwartzenhogger, Sylvester Staloin, and our sections pig... Rush Limbhog. I was so disappointed. How could Rush Limbhog stand a chance against all these heavy hitting action heroes?? Jean-Claude Van Ham took home the gold. In the musician pig heat, we had N'Stink, Christina Hoguilera, Squeally Nelson and our sections Elvis Pigsley. I can and did stand behind Elvis. Unfortunately, N'Stink won. Those boy bands.
In any case, I felt that we'd been had. I've performed at State Fairs before, and I know how to work a crowd. We were being worked and I didn't like it. Furthermore, these were not piglets, as we were promised, but full-fledged pigs. I wanted piglets, like the one in the cart pictured above. We've been had.
Dear Sirs: 1915
4 hours ago