Tuesday, December 16, 2008

An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time

My Red Ryder
Originally uploaded by Alta Marie
"I don't think a football is a very good Christmas present."

Those who have ever spent any time with me during Christmas know of my obsession with the movie "A Christmas Story". I doubt that it will ever lose its shine as the most sparkly wonderful hallmark of the holidays.

I think I have found my Red Ryder for this Christmas.
Options Interchangeable Harmony Wood Circular Knitting Needle Set.

Is it just me, or is this the perfect Christmas gift?? Drake is currently carrying on about how he's not going to get me *knitting needles* for Christmas. He pronounces "knitting needles" as if it is some repugnant vegetable. I'm hoping that he's tricking me and he's just making a great show of what an awful present it is so that he can trick me and hide the present somewhere on Christmas, and he'll be all "So Ralphie, I mean, Alta, did you have a good Christmas?"
then I'll be all:
"Yeah I guess"
"Did you get everything you wanted?"
"What's that over there behind the desk? Santa must have brought it...."

Mom did that kind of stuff all the time. Or maybe it was me... Mom am I confusing you with me again? I did play a lot of "Christmas-is-not-about-the-gifts-but-secretly-the-best-present-is hidden somewhere-I'm sending-you-on-a-long-scavenger-hunt" type Christmas tricks on my brothers who are significantly younger than me.

The best one (stop me if you've heard this one) was the Christmas after I left home for college. It occurred to me that Greg would not remember a time when I lived at home (he was 5 when I started college) so I thought that I ought to create a memorable Christmas through trickery.

I achieved this in the dead of night on Christmas Eve. I was wrapping the presents and addressing them to their intended recipient, but then in a masterful turn of events, I folded the tags in such a way as to display "to Alta from Santa." on each and every present in Santa's beautiful script handwriting. (Santa had very elegant handwriting)

So in the morning my brothers ran downstairs (and by that I mean I went upstairs and woke them all up at some ungodly hour) and they started sorting and delivering the presents.
"This one's for you Alt!!" "Oh, this one too" "This one is for Alt" "Wow, Alt you got a lot of presents"
As the presents piled higher and higher in front of me I began to pick them up and shake them.... "ooooo!! this sounds like legos! Cool, I bet this is a video game!!" and my mother gave me the fish eye:
"What on earth did you do."

Before they cried or threw fits, but after all the presents had been piled in front of me, I quickly pointed out three presents that I had craftily hidden behind the chair---
"Look!" I said with good cheer. "Look, Santa didn't forget you! There are three presents over there!!"

They ran over and unwrapped three child-sized shovels. Oh the trickery! I then confessed that I had snuck into the living room before they woke up and turned all the tags and written my name on them as a joke, and redistributed the presents.

Perhaps not the most good-spirited Christmas trick in retrospect.... in fact it may be outright mean to trick 5 year olds, but alas. What's done is done, and Drake if there's a child-sized shovel over in the corner, I'll be very distressed. It's been done.

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