Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dangerous Chivalry

Originally uploaded by Alta Marie
Drake is a chivalrous sort. I am universally suspicious and defensive. It makes for a strange dance.

Most of the time his chivalry is wonderful and appreciated. He always brings the groceries up and gets things from up high above our cupboards. He takes out the Kitchenaid, and moves the fridge to retrieve the top of our pepper grinder. Holds doors, makes me walk on the inside of the sidewalk (away from traffic) all of that. Then there are the dangerous acts of chivalry. These days they mainly involve the use of revolving doors.

I say "these days" because there were dangerous times back in the beginning before I knew what to expect, while we were adjusting to one another. Sometimes he would almost knock me over to get the door, or to move me into position on the sidewalk. Now my main issue is with the revolving exit doors on the subway. You know the ones I'm talking about, right? Not the turnstiles, but the ones that are tall and (if you're imaginative) look like vicious teeth.

I require no assistance here. I don't need to go first, it just confuses people behind us. Also, though sometimes it is nice not to have to push on the teeth--(I will admit then when I'm traveling without him these days I notice how heavy those things are when someone's not pushing behind you) sometimes it feels like I'm in a very short race with death. You know how the revolving-teeth-doors are designed to not let people get in, only out? Well what if, with Drake pushing behind me, I miss my chance to exit and get crushed between the bars???? Don't tell me that you've never thought of this as a potential horrible obituary. I can't be the only one that does this.

I write my own obituary at least 3 times a week. It's always sudden an unexpected and I am ALWAYS on the lookout for my sudden death. Remember the rubber band I mentioned yesterday? That could've done it too. What if the toe of my shoe got stuck and I tripped and fell on my face into the street and a cab ran me over....
"Heart shaped rubber band ends life of young temp/singer/photographer/doctor."

So all of this is to say, Drake-- lately you've been pushing the teeth-of-death-doors just slightly too fast for me, and today I'm wearing heels, so please don't crush me against the bars when we go home today, OK? I'm sure that you would stop pushing before it came to that, but better safe than sorry. Also, when you pried the closing subway car doors off of that lady's purse yesterday, you were a hero (although if your arm got caught in the door and the train departed I would have hated to have written your premature obituary....)

By the way, isn't the pic awesome? click here to make one yourself. Make sure that you use a .gif file. They turn out way better that way... if you use a .jpg it ends up pixelated.

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